Adieu For Now

Good Monday morning.

This will be brief. I won't leave you in suspense: I am stepping away from this blog. I don't know for how long. 

I am tired. The kids & I go back to school this week, & that honestly sparks not one iota of joy in me in the way a brand new semester & a brand new school year typically would. Life during the school year is exhausting & tedious much of the time. There, I said it. I see other women, many of them who're juggling more than I usually am, & they at least appear to be handling things well. Kudos to you, ladies; I really mean that. 

I've decided it's probably for the best that I not preserve for posterity my thoughts at this point in my life. I am just tired of everything, which is probably ominous considering the kids haven't even been to school yet. I am already tired of spending so much time in my car, of making sandwiches at six in the morning, of running the roads back & forth to practice & birthday parties, of telling people, "No, I can't do that, I can't help with that, because I am barely managing the laundry & the lunches & keeping everyone's prescriptions filled." I could weep thinking about all of it. That's just where I am right now. All I want to do is read. 

Anytime there's a change in Reagan's life it is mentally exhausting for me. New people, new situations, new schedules mean new routines have to be established. It also means a week or more of numbers that are even more unpredictable than usual as her body readjusts from a summer eating/sleeping schedule to a school eating/sleeping schedule. I have read of diabetes burnout, & I feel pretty sure that, among other frustrations, I am dealing with a little bit of burnout at present. It just never goes away, you know. It's a constant cycle of sugar readings & needing more insulin or more carbs & making sure a host of different prescriptions are filled, etc., etc. It's exhausting. 

I have loved this blog over the years, & I still do; I will likely return at some point. As always, if there is something pressing on me & I feel like writing, I will write, though at present I just don't have the energy to write even when there are thoughts floating in my head.

Thanks for reading, today & always. I have many faults, but I think I am self-aware enough to know I need to step away now, at least until I am less agitated with life, less anxious about the months ahead, lest I look back later & regret sharing incredibly dour blogs filled with ramblings about all of the things & people rubbing me the wrong way.

So, cheers to self-awareness, I suppose.

I'll see you when I see you. 

AZ